i have a story

my subject is not properly worded--its false advertising--what follows is less a story and more a description of part of my day yesterday. this event is one that calls into question all that has occurred before. it is an occurrence that requires one to ask: is this a defining moment in my existence?

nothing in the days build up foreshadowed something of such significance; there was no black cat, no shooting star hinting at my fate. i choose the word fate carefully, for this occurrence cannot be chalked up to random chance, this moment was predestined.

as i drove along the sunny pacific coast highway in southern california something happened. describing the build up to the event is unimportant, the suspense it would create is unnecessary, about as unnecessary as this sentence. as i sat in light traffic i was rear ended by one of the many monstrous black suv's lurking our highways. there was a jolt, a jostle, my radio flew out, my sunglasses stayed on, my seat belt remained fastened, there were no signs of those oh so finicky airbags.

moments later on the side of the road i exited the car to meet my assailant. i didn't notice the man standing in front of me, as much as the fact as there was a man there. he handed me his license, and i put it on my notebook to copy down the information. the texas issued laminated rectangle read: Chuck Norris and was accompanied by a picture of the smiling bearded karate virtuoso (i should not pigeon hole the man, his many talents extend far beyond the field of martial arts). at this point i was in shock, how could i not have noticed i'd been standing next to chuck norris? i turned and looked in a stupor, and muttered something along the lines of 'really?'. the answer was pure Norris, 'yup, thats me'.

there a few additional details i wish to offer for your consideration: chuck norris sports ray ban wayfarers, chuck norris carries a three fold velcro wallet, chuck norris said he is used to dallas driving, not our calm california streets. when i asked if the drivers in dallas were crazy chuck responded by saying: "they should be using horse and buggies". does anyone know what the hell that means? oh and chuck norris knows kai wulff, he said, 'say hello to kai for me'. when chuck norris shakes goodbye after rear-ending you he does not settle for mere hand to hand contact. chuck grabs your hand, engulfs it in his 67 year old, bruce lee battling fingers, then grabs your forearm with his off hand and says 'it was nice meeting you, sorry about the car'.

Vince Vaughn Gives A Damn About America

If you think Hollywood is made up of 99% liberal elite queers, you’re absolutely right. There are, however, a few true Americans left in film industry. Vince Vaughn is one of these Americans. Vince had the balls to go to Iraq and hang out with troops that protect our freedoms here at home. Hats off to you Mr. Vaughn!

Please excuse our Patriotic Downtime

I'm sure that our millions of loyal readers have noticed that there haven't been any new posts here at Sweet Sweet Freedom over the past few weeks. Some people might accuse us of being lazy. Some queers might say that we've turned our back on America. Well I got news for you...We've been as AMERICAN as it FUCKIN GETS!!
Two weeks ago when we heard that our great Republican President Gerald R. Ford was being hospitalized, we immediately started to pray to God and Jesus Christ, NON-FUCKING-STOP for a week straight!! We consider ourselves personally responsible for allowing him to hold on as long as he did. Had it not been for our prayers, he would have left us even sooner. Unfortunately, his liberal doctors were obviously too concerned about performing abortions and didn't give President Ford the proper care he needed, and on December 26, he passed away.

Since his death, we have been mourning non-stop like any true American would do. In order to show him the respect he deserves, we did not log onto the internet or use any other "modern technology" for 2 full weeks. It has just been all good Christian prayer & mourning, nothing else. We only allow ourselves breaks to eat McDonalds Cheeseburgers, Milkshakes & Fries for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

However, after 3 weeks of absence, we realized that without our presence here at Sweet Sweet Freedom, the world is quickly deteriorating into a stew of liberal bullshit and we know for DAMN sure that President Ford would have wanted us to stand up and FIGHT for America and put an end to all that!! So, on that note, we're back America!!!

God bless

Prepare For Tears Of American Pride

There are very few things a true American male will cry about, but the following video might be one of them. Tears of pure American pride are sure to well up in your eyes after watching this Tribute to Ronald Reagan. It’s a special treat for all that love this land of Sweet Sweet Freedom. Enjoy!

Pro-Environment = Anti-American

Here at Sweet Sweet Freedom, its high time we recognize the fact the liberal pro-environment types are just trying to bring everyone down with their hyped-up, quasi-facts and so called "evidence" that environment is being irreprably harmed by our glorious PROGRESS. To support a clean environment that benefits from so-called "responsible use" of our nation's natural resources is the same as spitting on the "little guy" who just trying to pull himself up by the bootstraps to make a better life for himself! Its not the coporations' fault that this "damage" is being done to the environment! They just realize they have a DUTY to motivate the little guy to be more like them and to pull themselves up by the boot-straps to become multi-billion dollar multi-national companies! Here in America, ANYONE can be a CEO of such a company! We all can be! And so rightly we should...at any expense. Its the only the American way - to be able to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and use any natural resource we have in any way we see fit! Yet, here are the liberals warning us of "doom" if we dont act more responsibly! Whatever, I say, if the next several generations cant pull themselves up by their bootstraps with what we've given them, then thats THEIR problem! Prove me wrong!

A Real Man's Show: War Stories With Oliver North

In a world of sissy liberal television programs, it is nice to know Fox News has delivered yet another quality show that celebrates a little place called AMERICA. Of course, I’m talking about War Stories with Oliver North, a show with far more guts, balls, and testosterone than the collective population of San Francisco. War Stories ain’t some pussy show about melting polar icecaps on the National Geographic Channel, but it is a show about something that is near and dear to my heart: FUCKIN’ WAR! This show brings you stories of American triumph and has enough great World War II footage to give any true American a huge patriotic boner. You’ll see profiles in American courage as the brave men of this land dominate Europeans and Asians on the battlefield, regardless of the war. Best of all, the show is hosted by American-hero-warrior-dominator Oliver North. The man is such a badass that he eats bullets for breakfast and then shits hand grenades at a later point in the day. So you aren’t sure about this show? Think it might glorify war and promote violence? Then go watch some pussy show on Lifetime you bleeding vagina.

The only bank you can rely on.

As anyone with half a brain can tell you, putting your money in a bank is one of the stupidest things you can do. All banks these days are run by corrupt foreigners or jews, and giving them your money is practically equivalent to burning it the furnace in your basement. Therefore, I'm sure that you have all your cash stored somewhere safe in your house, guarded by at least 3 shotguns.

However, us here at Sweet Sweet Freedom have recently discovered the exception to this banking quagmire. You might think that "Bank of America" is the way to go, but you would be wrong. Liberals came up with that name to try and trick us real Americans into using it, so don't be fooled. There is only ONE bank that exists where you can be sure that your money will be safe. If you look at the image above, I'm pretty sure it's self-explanatory. Look up FREEDOM in the dictionary, and that's what you'll see. Don't believe me, then just listen to Uncle Sam right here on my right: "If you want to achieve the American Dream, there's only one bank that will get you there, Emigrant fuckin Direct! Not IMMIGRANT fuckin Direct like every other bank out there!!"

Thanks, Sammy, couldn't have put it better myself.

The true mark of an American City

Sometimes people ask me, "How do I know whether or not my hometown is full of queers or not?" To that I respond, "well, do you have a water tower?" See, folks, Nothing screams FREEDOM more than a water tower. As I travel down lonesome American highways breathing in pure unadulterated breaths of liberty, the one thing that I am looking for in the distance is a water tower. When I see a water tower, along with the affixed American Flag, I know for 100% certainty that I'll be welcome in that town.

For instance, you will find water towers in fine American cities like Amarillo, Texas and Starkville, Mississippi, but you will absolutely NOT find one in Eugene, Oregon. These liberal towns claim that their underground hidden water tanks are "high-tech" and that they are more "aesthetically pleasing." The TRUTH is that they simply don't love America. The water tower is the PERFECT opportunity for a town to display the stars and stripes loud and proud, but NO, they're burying it beneath the ground.

So next time you come across a town without a water tower, keep driving, you won't find America there.

Hank Williams Jr. Lyric of the Day - 12.15.06

Go get yourself a Harley,
hop on a hog,
Put the hammer down
on the outskirts of town
and start rolling along.
Just like a bunch of wild outlaws
riding across the range,
the girls love the roar
we ride until we get sore
on the Iron Horse.

You're just asking to be caught Ridin' Dirty

I'm not gonna lie.

As a devout follower of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I know that I must admit to my sins or else I'll be burned in hell with all the liberals. Therefore, I'll admit that there's a few times that I haven't perfectly adhered to the rules of the road. But let it be known that the few times I had to bend the law, the law was bent in the name of AMERICA!!

I'd also like to point out the following
extremely important facts:

- I drive an American pickup truck
- I have 28 Pro-America bumperstickers
- I don't have tinted windows
- I don't blast loud rap music

Accordingly, I have never had a problem with an officer of the law. See, cops notice each of those items noted above and immediately realize that I am, without question, an honest patriotic citizen. Even though I may have not come to a complete stop, there is no need to pull me over because I obviously have nothing to hide. There are much better ways for them to protect and serve our country than to waste their time with a non-troublemaker like myself. For instance, they could be going door to door at a non-Christ based university, searching for students who illegally possess Marijuana. That might actually solve something!

Which brings me to my point.

Apparently, there's people out there who COMPLAIN that cops are "singling them out" and pulling them over just because they're playing their music too loud or have tinted windows. Well, DUHHH!!! If I can't see inside your car, then you're obviously doing something illegal inside it. That's a fact. Maybe if you had some pro-American bumper stickers than we might let you slide, but you DON'T. Maybe if you didn't want to get caught you should be blasting some Lynyrd Skynyrd instead of Eazy E, but you're NOT, so don't expect any special treatment, hoodlum! Purely due to your un-American car behavior, every cop in the USA is going to CORRECTLY assume that you are either drunk or have drugs on you. So when you get arrested, maybe you'll then realize it wasn't because you were ridin' dirty, it was because you turned your back on America in the first place!

A 100% American Music Video

Darryl Worley - "Have You Forgotten"
I’ll never forget 9/11.
Support Our Troops!

Just Try And Stop Me From Building A Moat Around My Property You Liberal

Let me make one thing clear: I’m going to do whatever I want with my private property! I know my American rights and I’m not going to let some lazy liberal bureaucrats tell me to follow unconstitutional land use and environmental “laws”. If I want to build a damn moat around my property, I’ll do it. If I want to build a huge wall around my property, I’ll do it. If I want to build a damn steel mill on my property, I’ll do that too. If any environmentalists come poking around my land and start whining about me building on an endangered species habitat, I’ll throw them in the moat. People come before useless animals in my world. This is my land, my America, and I’m going to protect my rights with all my heart. Read the sign BOY! Private Property: Keep Out.

Hank Williams Jr. Lyric of the Day - 12.14.06

I got a hot-rod Ford and a two-dollar bill
And I know a spot right over the hill.
There's soda pop and the dancin's free,
So if you wanna have fun come along with me.

Throw A Dodgeball At The Nearest Liberal Pussy

Us savvy Americans know that liberals are promoting the wussification of our culture and would like nothing more than to remove a fine American playground game, like dodgeball, from our public schools. They say that dodgeball “causes injuries” and “encourages bullying” when it is played in elementary schools. They say the world would be a better place without dodgeball. To that I say: What a bunch of fags! I mean seriously! I loved that damn game as a kid. It taught me how to be a man and I was able to identify which classmates would be future democrats based on their complete lack of dodgeball skills (I’m telling you, they threw like fucking girls). There are few things in life more satisfying than throwing a hard rubber ball at a liberal dork.

I may be older these days, but my love for dodgeball hasn’t gone away. Just the other day I went into some liberal café, looked for the first pussy on a laptop I could find, and proceeded to fire a dodgeball right at his liberal face. It was awesome – I nailed him bro! His coffee spilled all over the place, and best of all, he never stood up to me. What a typical liberal pussy. Based on this great experience, I recommend that every red-blooded American go down to their local café with a dodgeball and follow my example. You’ll get to see a liberal suffer and you will have fulfilled your American duty for the day. Everybody wins!

What the hell do you need that passport for?

Can you honestly sit there and give me one good reason why you should step one inch beyond our borders? Do you hate America? Is America not good enough for you? Do you need to go to Europe so that you can get your vagina cleaned? I'm sorry that you don't enjoy waking up to Freedom every morning.

So you're going to France so you can do wine tasting? Are the foreigner-free North Carolina vineyards not up to your standards? And then you're headed to Spain to check out their "great" beaches. Oh I forgot that we had beaches in America. Apparently you've never heard of a little town called Myrtle FUCKING BEACH, South Carolina!!! Next you're headed to Germany for Oktoberfest? Did I miss something? Did all the Budweiser breweries all of a sudden shut down? Oh, it's not the beer your looking for, it's the party atmosphere? I take it you've never been to the ultimate AMERICAN fest, the Testicle Festival in Big Sky Country Montana!!!

So go ahead, "traveler," and leave America, leave behind all your Freedom, all your rights, and most importantly, all your dignity. And then report back to me on what its like to go spend thousands of "Euros" on homo shit that you could get a better version of right here in the states!!

Papa Bear is fightin' for the Common Man

Yes folks, I am here to fight. To fight for the "common man." I'm sure I dont have to tell you what that means, because, as a conservative, you already know the definition because you are automatically considered one. We, the common men of America don't need any fancy, open-minded thinking! We know what we love, and we love what we know, and that is FINAL. To expand our horizons is to merely open ourselves to potential anti-American ideals! OK, I know what you're thinking: "Didn't our founding fathers support and encourage free thinking?" Well of course! But that was over TWO HUNDRED years ago! We've come along way since then. About the 1950's we finally came to the conclusion that we hate communism and that we pretty much know everything there is to know about running a country. That's that. No more discussion on this matter. We the common men have SPOKEN.

If You Catch Your Adolescent Son Eating Sushi, He’s Probably Gone Gay

It’s every parent’s worst nightmare. One minute your seemingly perfect son is playing football, going to church, and loving America, the next minute you catch him effeminately eating a sushi roll in your kitchen. If you think you should be concerned about his sushi eating, you’re right. According to studies done at Bob Jones University in Greenville, South Carolina, 95% of men who start eating sushi before they are 21 years old have homosexual relationships at some point during their lives. Sorry to break it to you, but solid conservative science proves this to be true. It’s as simple as that. Black and white. Fortunately, you can send your son to reparative therapy which may or may not include a diet high in protein and beef. You can always pray to Jesus. Anyway, good luck if you run into this inconvenient problem!

Hey You! Ya you in the Infiniti SUV! You Homo!!!

Look at you - what are you a woman?? How many latte holders does your queer car have?? How many safety features?? How much did that Navigation System cost, you sissy? What's the matter, you don't know how to look at a fucking map? How are those heated leather seats treating you? I'm so sorry that your vagina is feeling a little chilly.

Oh I get it, you're too good for us. You're a member of the liberal elite. Is that a receipt for a $60 car wash from "Yuppies-R-Us" in your glove box? I'll bet my rotweiler's life that you are a card carrying Triple AAA member too. Is that a "Save Mono Lake" bumper sticker I see? What's that fucking siren sound?? Oh it must be your malfunctioning alarm sensor that goes off whenever someone sneezes within a 15 mile radius.

What the hell are you gonna do with that thing? You can barely fit anything in it... Are you gonna go snowboarding in Lake Tahoe? scuba-diving in Carmel? take the family to the 2008 Democratic National Convention?? Two things are for certain, you sure as hell can't take that baby off-road, and you definitely can't fit a barbecue or a 500cc All-American dirt-bike in the trunk. It might make it a little bit dirty!

Listen up, Homo! I challenge you to sell that car and in its place purchase yourself three 1991 Ford or Chevy pickup trucks covered in pro-America stickers. You could haul so much more shit that way! Plus you're guaranteed that the previous owner took good care of that baby. The more it smells like cigarrettes, the better chance that the engine is runnin smooth.

A "Babes of Sweet Sweet Freedom Calendar" for 2007?

The staff at Sweet Sweet Freedom has considered introducing a calendar of hot conservative babes for the coming new year. At this time, we would like some input on which women we should and shouldn’t include in this calendar. We are also open to ideas when it comes to naming the calendar. Some of the criteria used for choosing these women will include: Attractiveness, big titties (sorry Michelle Malkin), conservative values, likeliness to sleep with your average conservative man, etc. We look forward to your comments regarding this idea.

DO NOT mess with pickup Trucks!!

This past Monday night, two young girls headed out for a joyride in the fine red-leaning town of Fullerton, California. At first glance, it seems as though there's nothing wrong with that picture. That's until you find out that Elise Robles and her friend weren't just harmlessly heading to the Pizza Parlor after their Community church youth group adjourned. Oh no...these girls definitely did NOT have America in mind when they stepped into their 1999 Ford Concourse. As a matter of fact, these girls were basically following the teachings of Al Qaeda. That's right America, these girls were fucking TERRORISTS!!

I'm sorry, but is taking a carton of eggs around town and throwing them at innocent vehicles something that you are taught in the Fullerton or Brea School District??? I didn't FUCKING THINK SO ELISE!!! Let me check your passport... Oh, is that a stamp from Pakistan I see?? Oh, is that a diploma from Hiram Al-Mustafa's School of Terrorism???

These girls probably would have gotten away with their terrorist acts had they simply understood how America works. See, you can drive around all day and egg Liberals and their small pussy eco-friendly cars, but the second you try fucking with a TRUE American vehicle, you are in for a world of hurt!! Luckily for America, these girls eyed a man in a pickup truck, similar to the one pictured here, and he "just happened to be a guy they felt they would like to throw eggs at."

Big.Fucking.Mistake.Bitches.

Several miles later, justice was served. After being chased through the streets of Fullerton by this unidentified Pickup truck driver, the girls crashed into the side of a house, and the Patriot drove off into the night, mission accomplished.

Final Score:
USA 1. Terrorists 0.