Look at you - what are you a woman?? How many latte holders does your queer car have?? How many safety features?? How much did that Navigation System cost, you sissy? What's the matter, you don't know how to look at a fucking map? How are those heated leather seats treating you? I'm so sorry that your vagina is feeling a little chilly.
Oh I get it, you're too good for us. You're a member of the liberal elite. Is that a receipt for a $60 car wash from "Yuppies-R-Us" in your glove box? I'll bet my rotweiler's life that you are a card carrying Triple AAA member too. Is that a "Save Mono Lake" bumper sticker I see? What's that fucking siren sound?? Oh it must be your malfunctioning alarm sensor that goes off whenever someone sneezes within a 15 mile radius.
What the hell are you gonna do with that thing? You can barely fit anything in it... Are you gonna go snowboarding in Lake Tahoe? scuba-diving in Carmel? take the family to the 2008 Democratic National Convention?? Two things are for certain, you sure as hell can't take that baby off-road, and you definitely can't fit a barbecue or a 500cc All-American dirt-bike in the trunk. It might make it a little bit dirty!
Listen up, Homo! I challenge you to sell that car and in its place purchase yourself three 1991 Ford or Chevy pickup trucks covered in pro-America stickers. You could haul so much more shit that way! Plus you're guaranteed that the previous owner took good care of that baby. The more it smells like cigarrettes, the better chance that the engine is runnin smooth.